Ann Walker’s Entry
Anne Lister’s Entry
No diary entry for this day
[up at] 9
[to bed at] 2 50/..
π [Mariana] came a little before eight and staid till nine in bed with me rather in the pathetics she cannot get over love for me but I behaved with perfect propriety she said well if anything happened to A- [Adney] and Mr. C- [Crewe] would I take her back again I made no answer till she said would I not when I replied ‘I would not shut the door against you’ on which she thanked me and said I was very good – fine soft morning – breakfast at 10 – at church at 11 – Mr. Ford did all the duty – preached 35 minutes from Luke ii or vii? 27, 28, 29, 30. on saviour being taken to be circumcised – then received the sacrament almost all the congregation staid which made the service take up 50 minutes till 2 – luncheon – Mariana and I out at 3 – to the Red Bull to see the children of her school 50 boys and girls who had dined there and to whom she went to wish a Merry Christmas and a happy new year – Letter from Adney (Shibden) – my aunt better – 3 pages widely written – nice letter – properly affectionate – wants me back again – went to the Lawton arms to order horses for at 9 a.m. tomorrow – walked forwards a little then up and down – called to see old Molly Owen – took a turn with Charles in the grounds and walked to the other Lodge – came in at 4 3/4 – sat talking in my dressing room – dressed – Messrs. Powis (reverend) and Hinchcliff (Captain 33rd regiment) dined with us at 6 1/4 – the latter a firebrand of a whig, or rather radical – warmish politics till 8 when Mariana and I came away – sat in my dressing room till 9, then tea, and staid down till 11 talking theology – the captain an over match for the parson – our priests lay claim to the power of giving absolution (vide service for the sick) – and we come up to the doctrine of transubstantiation in our church catechism – (vide the outward and visible sign of baptism et sequentes) – then the captain held forth on the origin of the Christians making the sign of the cross, as the Roman Catholics do – I said it was also an old pagan custom – we did not condemn it except when done by idolatrously and left it out of our ceremonies because now unnecessary – (I had in my mind Knight on the phallic worship) – the captain had picked up his arguments from Lingard’s history of England – he had read and compared him with Hume and Hallam’s constitutional history of England – I would gladly have taken no part, but Mariana made sign to me to join – Mr. Powis maintained that Voltaire took the sacrament before his death – I agreed with the captain that this was not clearly proved – Mariana and I sat talking in my dressing room till 1 having had Eugenie when we 1st came up and Mariana having sent Watson to bed not liking to keep them up after their Christmas festivities in the housekeeper’s room – we had gone in for a minute or 2 to wish them a merry Christmas and happy new year – the gentlemen had mentioned Willoughby Crewe this evening – Hinchcliff said he was an odd sort of parson – a free-thinker – expected over to bring some new religion he had invented – Powis maintained he was orthodox, tho’ nobody knew why he went to live in Paris – I said I had never seen him but once; but he was very gentlemanly and did not appear like a freethinker – π [Mariana] said nothing and δ [Charles] said he was a scroundrel /scoundrel/ of which nobody apparently took any notice π [Mariana] mentioned it when we came up to bed seemed low and nervous I tried to cheer her advised her going to London to her uncle and Louisa for a week to see little π [Mariana] till she told me the history at length of δ [Charles] and Eliza Lawton then told her not to be away said I saw her mind wavered about leaving δ [Charles] but that she must not do it unless he compelled her for refusing to have the girl to live with them or unless something between him and the girl came out she had taxed [him] with it with what the girl said and he declared it was a lie the girl did not like to be alone with him he put his tongue into her mo[u]th which said π [Mariana] is you know the last thing but one to which I agreed we talked of how the girl’s mind might be debauched till π [Mariana] began kissing me and we got onto such tongueing warm work that she got excited I kept my hands over her clothes and my arms decently round her till the right wandered to queer outside till she took up her petticoats and put it to her and I gave her a thorough grubbling I think she will have her cousin for it I certainly felt oddish but no wish to be near to her myself tho’ she said in the midst can you not come near to me for a minute or two I made no reply but went on never opening my eyes she asked if I loved her I merely said yes when I did look at her it was in silence neither as if ashamed nor as if attendri nor caring much I was grave and silent she said she was better and hoped I should have a good night what is the meaning of all this? can this be the conduct of a pure minded virtuous woman! I despise it she has tried all ways to upset me I have done what I have done but she shall never gain more nor ever I hope a repetition even of this I could have done without it but somehow I thought gratify her passion by one parting grubble it ought not to have been but I will try to turn it to some good account by telling her I shall shew her letters and by keeping out of her way – my respect is gone she read me Mr. C-‘s [Crewe’s] last letter long and written at different times according to her request nothing absolutely improper might be read aloud but the understanding between them is evident how will it end? he is a gambler I told her today I did not think that right and I was sorry for it she sends A- [Adney] a little pocketbook yet she will try to lead me astray from her! but she shall do no worse and I hope and trust the scene of tonight cannot recur is this the chaste and quiet π [Mariana]? I will keep out of her way and Mr. C-‘s [Crewe’s] too as well as I can – very fine soft day – from 11 to 2 25/.. wrote all the above of today – lay down in my clothes
Courtesy of West Yorkshire Archive Service, Calderdale SH:7/ML/E/17/0129 & SH:7/ML/E/17/0130
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