Diary Comparison

Thursday 25th December 1834

Ann Walker’s Entry

Anne Lister’s Entry

No diary entry for this day

[up at] 9
[to bed at] 2 50/..

π [Mariana] came a little before eight and staid till nine in bed with me   rather in the pathetics    she cannot get over love for me   but I behaved with perfect propriety   she said well if anything happened to A- [Adney] and Mr. C- [Crewe] would I take her back again   I  made no answer till she said would I not when I replied ‘I would not shut the door against you’ on which she thanked me and said I was very good – fine soft morning – breakfast at 10 – at church at 11 – Mr. Ford did all the duty – preached 35 minutes from Luke ii or vii? 27, 28, 29, 30. on saviour being taken to be circumcised – then received the sacrament almost all the congregation staid which made the service take up 50 minutes till 2 – luncheon – Mariana and I out at 3 – to the Red Bull to see the children of her school 50 boys and girls who had dined there and to whom she went to wish a Merry Christmas and a happy new year – Letter from Adney (Shibden) – my aunt better – 3 pages widely written – nice letter – properly affectionate – wants me back again – went to the Lawton arms to order horses for at 9 a.m. tomorrow – walked forwards a little then up and down – called to see old Molly Owen – took a turn with Charles in the grounds and walked to the other Lodge – came in at 4 3/4 – sat talking in my dressing room – dressed – Messrs. Powis (reverend) and Hinchcliff (Captain 33rd regiment) dined with us at 6 1/4 – the latter a firebrand of a whig, or rather radical – warmish politics till 8 when Mariana and I came away – sat in my dressing room till 9, then tea, and staid down till 11 talking theology – the captain an over match for the parson – our priests lay claim to the power of giving absolution (vide service for the sick) – and we come up to the doctrine of transubstantiation in our church catechism – (vide the outward and visible sign of baptism et sequentes) – then the captain held forth on the origin of the Christians making the sign of the cross, as the Roman Catholics do – I said it was also an old pagan custom – we did not condemn it except when done by idolatrously and left it out of our ceremonies because now unnecessary – (I had in my mind Knight on the phallic worship) – the captain had picked up his arguments from Lingard’s history of England – he had read and compared him with Hume and Hallam’s constitutional history of England – I would gladly have taken no part, but Mariana made sign to me to join – Mr. Powis maintained that Voltaire took the sacrament before his death – I agreed with the captain that this was not clearly proved – Mariana and I sat talking in my dressing room till 1 having had Eugenie when we 1st came up and Mariana having sent Watson to bed not liking to keep them up after their Christmas festivities in the housekeeper’s room – we had gone in for a minute or 2 to wish them a merry Christmas and happy new year – the gentlemen had mentioned Willoughby Crewe this evening – Hinchcliff said he was an odd sort of parson – a free-thinker – expected over to bring some new religion he had invented – Powis maintained he was orthodox, tho’ nobody knew why he went to live in Paris – I said I had never seen him but once; but he was very gentlemanly and did not appear like a freethinker – π [Mariana] said nothing and δ [Charles] said he was a scroundrel /scoundrel/   of which nobody apparently took any notice   π [Mariana] mentioned it when we came up to bed    seemed low and nervous   I tried to cheer her   advised her going to London to her uncle and Louisa for a week to see little π [Mariana]  till she told me the history at length of δ [Charles] and Eliza Lawton   then told her not to be away   said I saw her mind wavered about leaving δ [Charles]   but that she must not do it unless he compelled her for refusing to have the girl to live with them   or unless something between him and the girl came out   she had taxed [him] with it   with what the girl said   and he declared it was a lie   the girl did not like to be alone with him  he put his tongue into her mo[u]th   which said π [Mariana] is you know the last thing but one to which I agreed    we talked of how the girl’s mind might be debauched till π [Mariana] began kissing me and we got onto such tongueing warm work that she got excited    I kept my hands over her clothes and my arms decently round her till the right wandered to queer outside till she took up her petticoats and put it to her and I gave her a thorough grubbling  I think she will have her cousin for it   I certainly felt oddish but no wish to be near to her myself  tho’ she said in the midst can you not come near to me for a minute or two   I made no reply but went on never opening my eyes   she asked if I loved her   I merely said yes    when I did look at her it was in silence    neither as if ashamed nor as if attendri nor caring much    I was grave and silent   she said she was better and hoped I should have a good night   what is the meaning of all this?   can this be the conduct of a pure minded virtuous woman!   I despise it   she has tried all ways to upset me   I have done what I have done   but she shall never gain more nor ever I hope a repetition even of this   I could have done without it but somehow I thought gratify her passion by one parting grubble it ought not to have been    but I will try to turn it to some good account by telling her I shall shew her letters and by keeping out of her way – my respect is gone   she read me Mr. C-‘s [Crewe’s] last letter long and written at different times according to her request   nothing absolutely improper might be read aloud   but the understanding between them is evident  how will it end?   he is a gambler   I told her today I did not think that right and I was sorry for it   she sends A- [Adney] a little pocketbook yet she will try to lead me astray from her!   but she shall do no worse and I hope and trust the scene of tonight cannot recur   is this the chaste and quiet π [Mariana]?   I will keep out of her way and Mr. C-‘s [Crewe’s] too as well as I can very fine soft day – from 11 to 2 25/.. wrote all the above of today – lay down in my clothes

Courtesy of West Yorkshire Archive Service, Calderdale SH:7/ML/E/17/0129 & SH:7/ML/E/17/0130

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